Daclaud Lee’s ABC’s of Death aka The Morbid Alphabet Book of Death

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My name is Daclaud Lee and I’ve always wanted to write a horrifyingly morbid children’s book just to f*ck with parents and their “little angels” (yes I am one sick bastard, but it’s all sarcasm and obscure humor; deal with it).  I’ll be the first to admit that I was inspired by The Gashlycrumb Tinies by Edward Gorey (so there’s no misconception that I’m some douche bag trying to claim this as an original idea), but I wanted something 10 times more brutal and controversial.  I do not have illustrations just yet (I haven’t drawn a picture in 10 years and I’m not sure if I really know where to start), but here are Daclaud Lee’s ABC’s of Death (when I have pictures, I will update).

Inspired by the Gashlycrumb Tinies by Edward Gorey….  Look it up because I’m not posting a link!

A is for Alice – Arsenic Abuse

(my vision was a little girl who drank too much rat poisoning and is writhing in agony)

B is for Bruno – Brutally Bludgeoned

(my inspiration was to see Bruno Mars brutally clubbed to death with his skull bashed in, brains everywhere)

C is for Clifford – Chopped by a Cleaver

(not sure why the name Clifford… seemed like a douche bag name and to see a dude with body parts all chopped off by a cleaver seemed funny)

D is for Donald – Death by Decapitation

(kind of generic, but picture some Taliban execution…  slow and painful decapitation…)

E is for Esmeralda – Enthusiastically Eviscerated

(Esmeralda may have been beautiful, but now her entire body is eviscerated, gashing wounds wide open)

F is for Francis – Frightfully Flayed

(some douche bag named Francis getting flayed alive… nice!)

G is for Gregory – Gleefully Gutted

(a bit basic, but getting disemboweled and gutted seems like a painful and slow death)

H is for Harold – Hysterically Hung

(Harold died laughing as his body just swung back and forth)

I is for Ingrid – Intriguingly Immolated

(Ingrid did this to herself and no one was there to save her)

J is for Juniper – Jadedly Jumped

(imagine a person who just exploded… death by jumping is not pretty)

K is for Krystal – Kidnapped and Knifed

(a bit too basic, but what did they do to her before she was kidnapped and knifed?  Use your imagination!)

L is for Lenora – Lavishly Lacerated

(LOL like Pinhead, but with cuts all over; maybe done with a chained whip?)

M is for Miranda – Mauled and Mutilated

(bones crushed, body destroyed… a bit basic, but need I say more?)

N is for Norman – Nailed until Necrosis

(rusted nails pierced his body and Norman just laid there while his body rotted away)

O is for Ophelia – Obscurely Obliterated

(nothing left but a pulp… imagine that….)

P is for Paul – Painfully Plummeted

(another fall…  not pretty as Paul’s brains probably burst out from the impact)

Q is for Quentin – Quaintly Quartered

(four ropes binding to each limb plus a hacksaw = quartered)

R is for Rhonda – Ruptured and Raped

(she was raped only “after” she was ruptured… however this works…)

S is for Sam – Severed by Saw

(limbs, limbs, limbs… not pretty… sick if you ask me…)

T is for Thomas – Tortured and Torn

(and more limbs and organs torn out…)

U is for Ulysses – Utterly Useless

(Ulysses might as well be dead because he is brain dead!)

V is for Veronica – Violently Victimized

(use your imagination…)

W is for Walter – Wickedly Wasted

(once again, left up to interpretation… how twisted is YOUR mind?)

X is for Xavier – Xanax OD

(it gets harder as you reach the end)

Y is for Yvette – Yearning for Yersinia Pestis

(and even harder… to find a cure…)

Z is for Zachariah – Zyklon B;  Zzzzzz….

(just to piss the Jews off)

 

That’s it for now!  I’ll leave the visualizations to the “artists” since I can’t really draw anymore (no inspiration or desire).  Imagine them being kids…  Oh the controversy!   Until next time!  – Daclaud Lee

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About Daclaud Lee
Daclaud Lee is a resident of Columbus Ohio.

5 Comments on Daclaud Lee’s ABC’s of Death aka The Morbid Alphabet Book of Death

  1. Something tells me that I’m going to get a lot of shit for this, but oh well! Can you imagine reading this to a first grader?

  2. Jack Skellington // July 11, 2013 at 9:11 pm // Reply

    Very morbid and very Edward Gorey like… Seems like a pretty inappropriate ABC book for kids, which is very cool… I like…

  3. motherhood // July 30, 2013 at 1:37 pm // Reply

    Very Interesting! Thanks

  4. I went over this website and I believe you have a lot of great information, saved to my bookmarks (:.

  5. What do you think of my Edward Gorey inspired ABC book? Does anyone want to help me with some illustrations? I would truly appreciate it!

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