How to be an Assassin

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Assassination is a dirty job, but someone has to do it.  As long as there are people out there willing to pay, then there will be assassination jobs available.  Being an assassin will take a lot of physical training and mental conditioning.  If you are still adamant about becoming one, then here are some ways to prepare yourself for your new career path.

Disclaimer:  This is a humor page and Daclaud dot com is not actually encouraging anyone to actually kill other people for profit.  The information contained here is all hypothetical.

 

1.  Physical Fitness

An assassin needs to be able to run, jump and climb.  If you’ve ever seen or played the Assassin’s Creed games, then you will know exactly what I mean.  Once you kill your target, you need to get the hell out of Dodge.  If you are able to, learn parkour, so you will have a better chance to escape.

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Ezio Auditore demonstrates the importance of  physical fitness as he scales buildings in Assassin’s Creed 2

2.  Mental Awareness

An assassin needs to be completely aware of his surroundings so pay attention to every detail and always have an escape route.  Having a good memory and ability to navigate an area as well as knowing environmental and terrain factors will keep you safe.  You never know, there may be a witness you need to take out, so being mentally aware of your surroundings will also help you identify hidden dangers.

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As an assassin named “Joe” (Nicholas Cage) teaches his pupil (Shahkrit Yamnarm) basic mental awareness in Bangkok Dangerous

 

3.  Stay Focused

You need to eliminate your target at all costs, because if you don’t you will not only not get paid, but you may also lose reputation.  Don’t drink alcohol as it impairs your judgement and don’t smoke cigarettes as it interferes with your breathing.  You may want to leave some cigarette butts behind just to throw off the authorities.

 

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Miguel Bain (Antonio Banderas) focuses his sights on assassinating his targets before his competitor does in Assassins 

 

4.  Hand to Hand Combat

You will need to learn some sort of unarmed hand to hand combat such as Krav Maga, because you never know who you will be up against.  If you are killing a high profile target, then he is going to have body guards, and you may find yourself in a situation where you have to enter a weapons free area in order to get to your target.  Other times, you just might run out of bullets or have access to a melee weapon.  Whatever the reason, you will need to know how to fight without weapons.

Liam Neeson is kicking some ass with his Krav Maga training in Unknown

 

5. Sniper Training

Most of the time you will want to assassinate your target from a distance as this is the safest method.  In order to be able to do this, you will need a powerful sniper rifle with good sights.  You will also need to be familiar with projectiles, wind and target movement in order to pull off a successful shot.  Often times you are not allowed to miss, so practice makes perfect.

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Jean Reno (Leon) gives Mathilda (Natalie Portman) some basic sniper training in Leon the Professional

 

6.   General Hand Gun Training

As an assassin, there may be some situations where you just need to go in guns a blazing just because you have no other choice. If your target is out in the open and you don’t have any other options, then you may need to kill your target with a concealed hand gun. Handguns are less accurate at long ranges, so you will have to be ready to get in close to your target.

Vincent (Tom Cruise) demonstrates handgun techniques as he goes into the nightclub guns a blazing in Collateral

 

7.  Melee Weapon Training

There are times when guns may not be an options, and even a gun with a silencer will still make a loud noise. Melee weapons are swift and silent and bladed weapons will allow you to kill stealthily and efficiently.

 

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Ghost Dog (Forest Whitaker) demonstrates proficiency in melee weapons as an assassin in Ghost Dog

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About Daclaud Lee
Daclaud Lee is a resident of Columbus Ohio.

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